Tales of Fake

Some times, I feel like hell with myself. I know this isn't the first time I blog about this, but in the past, I've talked many times about me being unhappy with the kind of person I am...this time, it's different. Lately I've been feeling like I'm doing all the right things regarding the person I should become and wanna be in terms of personality...I like my job -as much as anybody can like their job-, I feel comfortable trying to get in to the college I really wanna be in...I like the people that surround me and the things I'm finally achieving...still, when I look at myself in the mirror, something's missing. It's like I see the person that is so happy with her life, so happy with her friends and family and stuff, but so unhappy with the body that she sees. For a while, I was feeling great about myself...losing weight and all that...now, even if I lose a couple of kilos, I feel even worse than before and I see myself no better. It's hard battling these kinds of fights all the time against yourself.
The other day, I was out with one of my best friends and we were talking about life and all sorts of things, and suddenly I brought out to the conversation the fact that I feel my past is constantly haunting me and will never get off my back. It's sick, and even if I want to deny it...I know I should talk to someone, a professional or something, about it because I'm not supposed to be feeling like not eating for a couple of days to lose that extra weight. I love my boyfriend (I love you!), but sometimes, it's really hard to admit it even to him (I'm sorry) because I know that it might hurt him and concern him.
I'm not saying I'm starving myself or making me sick after eating all day long...so far, I'm winning that battle and I plan on keep winning it...still, it tempts me sometimes.
Anyways, don't get me wrong, I'm still happy about my life and stuff...just a little down when it's almost two a.m and I'm left to thinking things on my own. This is only a way to vent...I rather doing this than hurting myself (At least I know that I'm not that twisted because I keep thinking like that and realizing what's good and what's not).
Bye, and whatever...