Today, something happened while I was at work...I was talking to a Mary or something like that (that's racist) over the phone and she told me something like "take your time, honey", and I realized that I don't want to be called honey...or sweetie...or darling...or love...in fact, I don't even want to love -or be loved for that matter- in a certain way for a while (I've just typed "whay" and realized it was wrong). I just want to feel that thrill you get sometimes when a kiss, or a touch or whatever makes you feel something tight in your lower back, and you want to stretch your bones in a way that is so physically impossible, and your toes start aching because you're pushing it too far, but it's worth the trouble, and you want to...wait, I'll stop it there.

That being said, good bye.

I want you all tattooed, I want you bad.

Complicate me, Mistreat Me.

I've just realized that i say "by the way" way too many times...

In about five months, I'm out of here....

Here's to giving new things a go for once! Cheers.

Everything's changing :)

g-o f-u-c-k y-o-u-r-s-e-l-f

I hate myself right now...

it's all a matter of attitude and I know it. But I simply can't fake it *anymore*

what if i decide to leave and be an au pair for a year?

I'm going all Heidi Klum (is that how you spell it?) about this...

I'm trying to be the person I really want to be...one step at a time...and this time, I'm going all Heidi Klum (is that how you spell it?) and documenting the whole journey with my new toy...

oh, and btw...I want to go to my roof one of these days and take these cool photos...

Oh, and by the way...I don't wanna go to work...




and I don't regret saying anything I've said today -so far-.

Can dreams be signals of what's about to happen or will happen in a future? If so, omg my life is about to get crazy...because I'll become a lieutenant and wear a viking armor...But I'd be so ok with that.

When you say best friends means friends forever....

and that is meant to apply to so much more than just friendship

I'm sorry things had to end like this. I really am. I hope you know that.

I close my eyes and there you are. The thought of you alone can drive me mad. The walls are closing in. My breath is running thin. My heart just skipped a beat. Fuck, better learn to live with it.

Tonight it's me against the walls

boxes

When is 'enough' enough? I feel like I've been pushing that limit for days... Have you ever felt scared of your own words? Tonight, I find myself reflecting about that. I feel like hell, as if I knew the answers to my questions already, but can't say them out loud. I hate this. That's a lie...I love this. I'm melodramatic, this is what I seek. All day, I search for drama, and maybe this is that. Maybe I'm overreacting, playing with scenarios that aren't even there. Maybe this fear is only here because I want it to be. How sick is that? Sick, of course...but true? Can it be? Can I be this messed up? I know it. I know the answers...I know the words...they'll come out and explode, I know. Can't stop it...can I? Of course I can, I'm the detonator...I'm making this worse.

I feel like the old 'me': looking for reasons to hold onto the pain, the whatever this is. I crave this kind of feelings, I create them.

Fuck! I need someone to understand this. I need distance from things and to feel them close as well. That's why I'm scared. I know the truth, I know what the future holds...but do I want it? What if I don't want to lie on the bed I've made?

Crap, not even the most innocent and lovely desire can pull me out of this one. Even THAT makes me doubt. My mind shouldn't be like this if it felt something different...does it make any sense? ANY SENSE AT ALL? Of course not... My mind's played out like that for a reason, I do it like that. I'm sick and twisted...I can't stop thinking about regret. Lack of it and it being more than enough...

I feel like cursing.

New layout

Oh, my god! I swear that there aren't enough words in the entire language to describe the way I feel right now...231 steps closer to my dream. My heart is pounding like crazy. I am speechless. Impulsive acts don't always lead you through the wrong path, remember!

I feel like CRAP